Building the Raptors, Part One

(A Raptors fan (left) takes exception to a Calderon-doubter)

Below is an email that I received today from a good friend and longtime Raptors fan; a guy who landed us playoff tickets to game two of the Nets-Raps series last year; a guy who has the most profoundly unintelligible personalized Raptors jersey on earth (look for him some day, it's jersey number one and the name reads "TMSIBIT"):

dude,

just wanted to tlel (sic) you that there's no way i'm going to a playoff game this year. i probably shouldn't go, but this team doesn't make me want to go either. season's been a total drag. they're such pussies and. (sic) yeah, that's what they are. they're pussies.

I don't blame him. This came after a thoroughly unconvincing win over Indiana - a game in which Toronto made Marquis "Delinquent" Daniels look like an athletic chessmaster and a game in which the Pacers pulled a 14-year-old kid from the East York YMCA and asked him to start at point. Prior to Indy, it took the Raps one-and-a-half games to make adjustments against the New York Knicks. These adjustments included actually getting up on Jamal Crawford's shot and Bosh learning how to pass out of a double-team. No, the season hasn't been a total drag but, yes, the Raptors are "such pussies."

Except for Bryan Colangelo. It took a man with Alec Baldwin-like brass balls to not make a major move before last week's trade deadline. Not quite two full seasons removed from a 27-55 season, Raptors fans are accustomed to miracles. They've already cultivated an image as "Truthers" drawing their halberds at the mere thought that Jose Calderon didn't deserve to make the all-star team. They seem to believe that this team is one slashing small forward away from a championship. For that reason, and several billion others, they are not NBA general managers. Our general manager, however, has a plan as predictable, yet clever, as a teen horror film.

The entire Raptors' payroll is designed around the post-trade deadline 2008/09 season. This isn't to say that the Raps will have cap space next year, because they won't, especially after re-signing Jose Calderon and (probably) Carlos Delfino. When you're an above-average team in the NBA you will never have cap space; your mission becomes less about signing new pieces than upgrading on existing pieces. Pieces like Anthony Parker, Jorge Garbajosa, Rasho Nesterovic, Joey Graham and Maceo Baston, all of whom have expiring contracts next season that total $21,719,184. It's hard to believe that Joey Graham and Jorge Garbajosa would look good to anyone, but when you're a team that's saddled with a slightly overpaid veteran while needing to rebuild, those two men will look like ice-cold motherfucking beers.

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Part Two will follow soon, looking at Calderon and Delfino's relative worths.

Meet Primož Brežeć

(the guy with the drink in his hand)

• A 7'1", 255 lbs centre, born in Sezana, Slovenia.
• Cites his father, Hilarlj, who played for the Slovenian national basketball team, Michael Jordan and Dr. J as his hoops heroes.
• He smelled Dwyane Wade's scrotum a couple of summers ago.
• Speaks four languages: Italian, Slovenian, English and "Yugoslavian."
• Enjoys playing tennis in the offseason.
• Has career averages of 7.7 PPG and 4.2 RPG.
• Suffered a cycling injury when he was 12 that nearly left him paralyzed.
• Fancies himself "a shooter."
• Will have no impact with the Raptors.

Welcome, Primoz

Bryan Colangelo made a seemingly inconsequential move at yesterday's trade deadline, sending Juan Dixon to Detroit for Primoz Brezec and "cash considerations." But I like this move for reasons outside of basketball.

If, like me, you can remember when the Raptors were freshly hatched from the NBA's womb in the mid-to-late 90s, you'll remember a time when no one wanted to play in Canada. There were many reasons for this. It was a benighted period in the league's history; a period when players weren't required to spend a year in a post-secondary institution before joining the NBA; a largely pre-European period; and a period when Steve Francis could refuse to join the Vancouver Grizzlies because of something he called "God's will." Even when the Raptors seemed poised for success, Antonio Davis grudgingly accepted a huge, long-term deal to play centre for Toronto, whining about it - and Canada's insistence on using the metric system - whenever he had the chance.

But you don't hear that anymore, thanks largely to the nous of Bryan Colangelo. Like BC said after dealing Dixon: "It's important to have players that want to be here. Juan and his representatives made it pretty clear that he wasn't content with his role."

And the gorgeous thing about a move like yesterday's is that it gives the illusion that the player (Dixon) is getting what he wants. There's about as many player agents managing NBAers as there are banks in Toronto. As sad as it sounds, you've got to keep the agents happy and Colangelo did that by granting Dixon's request for a change of address. In future, the same agent, or one of Dixon's pals, might get some kind words recommending the Raptors. And this isn't smokescreeing, it's honest god-damn business.

Colangelo managed the same trick last year while rectifying his own pre-season boner by trading a disgruntled and thoroughly horrible Fred Jones FOR Juan Dixon. "The circle of life...the wheel of fortune."

So join me in welcoming another Slovenian centre to the Raptors. But more importantly, join me in welcoming a high-profile free agent in the future thanks to Bryan Colangelo's alleged benevolence.

Side note: The link to the Star's story on the Ben Wallace three-team deal reads "LeBron finally got some help to win an NBA title." "Finally"? James is 23 years old. And I love how Seattle just snuck in on that deal, dumping Szczerbiak's contract on Cleveland. The Sonics' management turned Ray Allen into three first-round draft picks and their roster is set for grotesque cap space in just two years. Too bad they won't be in Seattle.

City, and Bosh, on Fire

This isn't a photo of Chris Bosh leaving the ACC tonight, it's a photo that I took outside of my house at 5:30 this morning. I would normally whine about not sleeping but, given the circumstances, I'm just happy that my place isn't smouldering, although the neighbourhood smells exactly like you'd expect it to.

But fuck all that, the Raptors won tonight!

Chris Bosh loves playing the Magic like David Blaine loves feigning magic, or like Cookie Johnson loves Magic (Johnson). In Bosh's last five games against Orlando he's averaged 33.8 PPG. The reason: Dwight Howard can't guard him, as evidenced by CB4's free throw stats in those five games (11-11; 14-14; 15-17; 14-16; and 14-15). Those are HUGE, Dwyane-Wade-in-the-playoffs numbers. True, Bosh can't guard Howard either (Dwight had 37 tonight), but the Raptors have more weapons than Orlando, namely an actual point guard. I'd rather play Orlando than Cleveland in the playoffs, but it's starting to look inevitable; the only debate being who will have homecourt.

Friday and Sunday will be a home-and-away against the Knicks, who lost by 40 tonight to the Sixers. Consider the Knicks' coach, general manager and season, then watch this and tell me that the team couldn't be the subject of a horrifically compelling reality show. Add the Knick girls and a Sheraton and you've got the best season of Paradise Hotel ever.

I keep hearing about Dixon and Joey going to the Warriors for Pietrus, but given TJ's fragility and our glut of swingmen I can't see this happening unless Colangelo's feeling especially generous towards Juan and his 11.9-MPG trade request.

The Raptors' All-Star Legacy

It's that time of year when Adam Sandler sits next to that guy from King of Queens to watch an utterly inconsequential game of basketball. Where a simpering David Stern looks over his empire of tall men who wear the contents of a west African cave on their ears while lesser stars try to impress them with dunks. It's All-Star Weekend and the Raptors have history here.

With a week until their next game and their guts full of Kidd-less New Jersey Nets' innards, the Raps have time to reflect before moving on with the season. And I'll help jog their memories, but first I want to get distracted by the Nets game.

Congratulations to Jay Triano for becoming the first Canadian to coach a regular season NBA game. He should feel better than I used to when my dad asked me to hold the steering wheel while he reached for his wallet, but it's essentially the same principal. Even the outcomes are similar: I would get a sense of the road and a fiver from dad whereas Triano got a 109-91 win over a team that showed what happens when you remove a hall-of-fame point guard from the laziest consortium of athletes in the league.

That hall-of-fame point guard is Jason Kidd, not Marcus Williams, and Kidd's trade to the Mavericks for Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, DeSagana Diop, Devean George, Maurice Ager, $3 million and two first-round draft picks is on hold thanks to George alone. Devean must have paid attention at Augsburg College, because somehow he convinced Mark Cuban to give him a no-trade clause when he signed with the Mavs this off-season. This ensures George a place in history and perpetual hostility with his current teammates and Kidd. I'm sure the teams will find a way around this, but for now it's nice to know that Kidd can't just punch a woman in the face and make everything work.

ALL-STAR MEMORIES

2000 - Vince Carter (starter) - 12 points in 28 minutes. Carter also won the 2000 Slam Dunk contest. Here are the highlights which someone assembled over R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" and then posted on youtube. If you can get past the music it really was one of the top three sickest collections of dunks ever displayed. And he didn't take a Nate-Robinson hour to complete them, most were one-and-dones.

2001 - Carter (starter) - 16 points in 24 minutes; AND
Antonio Davis (starter) - eight points and nine rebounds in 20 minutes. The NBA would rather forget this, but, yeah, Antonio Davis started an All-Star game (because Alonzo Mourning was out with kidney disease).

2002 - Carter was the leading vote-getter for the entire NBA but didn't play due to a marginally overcut fingernail.

2003 - Carter - nine points in 25 minutes. Even though Carter was voted into the game, in an atypical gesture of class, he gave up his starting spot to Michael Jordan, who made his final All-Star appearance (Jordan shot 9-27 in that game).

2004 - Carter (starter) - 11 points in 16 minutes. This was also the year that Jamal Magloire was selected as an All-Star, scoring 19 points.

2005 - Carter...as a member of the New Jersey Nets, after playing 20 games with the Raptors.

2006 - Bosh - eight points and eight rebounds in 16 minutes. A lovely first appearance for CB4.

2007 - Bosh (starter) - 11 points and seven rebounds in 22 minutes - The day before this game I bet a friend that Bosh would score in double-digits. CB4 was sitting on the bench with four points going into the fourth, but with 6:30 left in the game he checks back in. In a flurry of lay-ins and free throws Bosh goes on to score seven additional points - the final two coming on a dunk with 18 seconds left in the game - to secure my five dollars. The East lost 153-132.

Raptors Digression

The most frustrating thing about the Raps since Colangelo took over, for me, is their inability to string wins together. Last year's team managed a six-game win streak, while this year's longest string is four.

That frustration is tempered only by the fact that the team's longest losing streak this year is three. We're the NBA's Even Stevens. Could be worse.

Sorry for the dormancy lately, but I've got a nice post simmering that should appear mid-week. Until then, I'll be at tomorrow's game, not just because I'm a Raptors fan, but because my girlfriend is a Spurs fan. She has a crush on Tim Duncan, which seriously makes me question my own comeliness. She likes The Big Fundamental for the same reason she liked Pete Sampras: because he seems like a "nice guy," which is some consolation.

In 1998 I saw Tim Duncan walking into Sears at the Eaton Centre with Antonio Daniels. No one asked either of them for their autograph. Tim's a big man, there's no way anything in Sears would fit him, but there he was, none the less. Maybe he wanted a fragrance for Amy?

The State of the Raptors 2/5/08

On my way to work yesterday I checked which bobbleheads were still available at Centresports. Sadly, they're down to Garbos and Swirsks. I imagine there are millions of Swirsky dolls and Fred Jones figurines sitting in the ACC basement which Chuck arranged to mirror the Terracotta Army of Qin. I've got Bosh, Swirsk and the Raptor set up at work, right next to my Dominique Wilkins Starting Lineup figure. If anyone's got an extra Calderon sitting around I'd love to negotiate something.

But in relevant news, T.J. Ford is back, and looking good, albeit against the Heat (how bad is that team? So bad Ricky Davis actually wants to STAY there). Ford's bullet pass in the fourth proved just how easy it is to fool Kris Humphries (nice recovery, Hump), and six seconds after I said "You can tell he's still afraid to go to the rack," Ford actually dunked, hard, off a broken play. Well, butter my ass!

Still, there will be several collective covered eyes and flinches every time Ford goes to the cup, takes a charge or even receives a pat on the dumper. Are there League regulations against playing in a carapace of bubble wrap? Something to consider.

Bargnani's back too, only he wasn't injured for 24 games, he just forgot how to play. He's scored, 22, 28 and 19 in his last three games with a 56 FG% (24-43) and 60 3PT% (9-15). The 11 boards over those three games gives weight to the theory that he's not a competent mult-tasker, but after weeks of nothing, thanks for something, Il Mago.

Jamario Moon and Joey Graham collaborated on a dunk-contest teaser. This may not have been the best move for Joey, considering that an embarrassing number of RealGM posters believed that Graham's boner was "for reals." I pity those who were fooled, but honour them as the hard working men and women that, someday, will keep Canada running.

Finally, the Rapors' game against the Clippers on Friday will be the franchise's 1,000th game (their all-time record is 414-585). And let me say a quick word about the Clips' Cory Maggette, whose name has been linked to the Raptors for years. I OWN him in my fantasy league and he just missed four games in a row with the flu. My friend, the M-ster - himself, a potent mix of heart and testicles - had an appendectomy in high school and was back representing the Newtonbrook Northmen the next week. The school's mascot has since been renamed "the Vikings" for reasons of sexual inclusiveness.

For What It's Worth...

We're more than half way past the mid-way point of the season, so before teams hit 50 games played, I'd better get this down so that I can still say "I called it."

MVP - Chris Paul, New Orleans Hornets - I can actually see LeBron start to hum in the second half of the year and stealing this from CP3, but I'm saying Paul wins it just in the hope that writing it will actually make it happen. Paul's steals have dipped of late (2.5 a game is still good), but if he can stay over 20 PPG and 10 APG (he's currently at 20.7 and 10.9) and his team can stay in the top four in the West, Paul should win. If he does take it and the league announces it before his May 6 birthday he'll join Wes Unseld (1968-69) as the only player to win the MVP at 23. Moses Malone was the last 24-year-old to win it in 1978-79 (for those of you wondering, MJ won his first at 25 in 1987-88).

Rookie of the Year - Kevin Durant, Seattle SuperSonics - I'm pretty sure Stern sent the award to the engravers as soon as he heard that Oden was out for the year. Along with Executive of the Year (see below) this race was won before the season began. Durant's finally got his FG% up to 40% while averaging 19.5 PPG on a team that - seriously - gives him the ball and stands around waiting for a rebound. Note: I thought that Seattle officially dropped the "Super" from their name a few years ago but, apparently, they're still the SuperSonics.

Most Improved Player - Chris Kaman, Los Angeles Clippers - Without Elton Brand the paint belongs to the Caveman for the other LA team. He's doubled his blocks from 1.5 last year to 3.0 this year and added seven points a game (10.1 to 17.2) and six boards (7.8 to 13.9). Plus he finally cut those threads of string off of his head and returned them to the Yarn Barn. The last Clipper to win this award was Bobby Simmons, who has gone right back to being shit with the Bucks. Which makes me wonder, can one player can win the MIP award more than once?

Defensive Player of the Year- Marcus Camby, Denver Nuggets - Camby currently has 40 more blocks than his closest competitor, Josh Smith, as well as 628 boards which puts him second behind Dwight "baby-daddy" Howard. Anyone who doesn't own Camby in a fantasy league knows how infuriating it is to see 11-block, 24-rebound lines like the one he posted against Utah earlier this year. Barring injury (Camby didn't play more than 63 games in any of his first seven NBA seasons, remember Raps fans?) Camby will be the repeat winner.

Coach of the Year - Byron Scott, New Orleans Hornets - A decent case could be made for Nate McMillan of the Blazers but I think that the Blazers will come back down to earth in the second half of the year. Yes, Phoenix has already passed the Hornets for first in the West, but New Orleans (Oklahoma) were 39-43 last year; they're already 32-14.

Sixth Man of the Year - Manu Ginobili, San Antonio Spurs - This is finally the year for basketball's own Roberto Benigni. In fact, the only reason Ginobili probably hasn't won it before is because everyone knows that his "bench" status is entirely perfunctory. When does he enter games, three minutes into the first? Whatev, career highs so far in points (19.5), assists (4.2) and rebounds (4.8) per game should do it with 1.7 steals to boot.

Executive of the Year - Danny Ainge, Boston Celtics - ...Then one morning, Ainge awoke to find Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen standing at his front door saying, "Can we play?" And all the veterans in the league wanted to join them...What kills me every time I think about the Celtics is that Doc fucking Rivers is coaching this team. Did you see him during half time against the Mavs the other day? This is what he said in the locker room: "Come on guys, you've got to finish your lay ups!" No joke.

Raptors vs. Luckiest Team in the NBA

Tipoff - 7:00 p.m. EST

If you haven't heard, the Lakers have just acquired Pau Gasol from the Memphis Grizzlies in exchange for a vintage Garfield Happy Meal toy depicting the cartoon cat riding a skateboard and a tin of kippers (Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton and the Lakers' first round picks in the '08 and '09 drafts.). There's also curious speculation that the Lakers will include Pau's brother, Marc, in the deal. This would be unfortunate, as my buddy Mike pointed out, the two Gasol's on-court together would make a good GEICO caveman commercial.

It's impossible to believe that the Grizz couldn't have gotten more for Gasol. You've got to figure Colangelo would have shipped Bargnani, Rasho, Joey Graham and his picks over the next two years to instantly make the Raptors Eastern Conference contenders and take some pressure off of Chris Bosh.

True, Brown's $9.1 million contract expires at the end of this year, but Crittenton has showed nothing in his rookie year, albeit in 7.8 minutes per game, and the Lakers' picks are going to be insignificantly high over the next two years. Gasol will have to undergo physicals before the trade becomes official, but you've got to wonder if the Grizz know something more about the big man's back problems of late. And it is worth mentioning that Gasol played only 59 games last year and 56 games in 2004-05.

What makes this stink worse than Gasol's gym bag is that Jerry West, the current interim GM of the Grizzlies, has publicly said that he will return to the Lakers as a consultant next year.

Luckily for the Raptors Gasol, who has three years left on his $49-million contract, will not be dressed tonight.

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EDIT: The official trade: Pau Gasol to the Lakers for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton, Aaron McKie, the Lakers' first round picks in 2008 and 2010, cash considerations and the rights to Pau's brother Marc - the first time in league history that brothers were included in a trade for one another.

No Way, Jose

No one except Chuck Swirsky expected Jose Calderon to make the Eastern All-Stars, and on Thursday the league confirmed that the "Spanish Fly" won't be joining his bud, Chris Bosh, in New Orleans on Feb. 17.

Even if you're the type of hoops fan that only watches Raptors' games you might have heard of Joe Johnson, Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton, all of whom were - deservedly - selected ahead of Calderon. Those guys are All-Stars, and although a cogent case could be made for Calderon, the East, and those in attendance, probably aren't so interested in a conservative, pass-first point guard to steady the ship in the third quarter while Kidd's deciding which cheerleader he wants to plough, consensually or not.

Plus, Calderon's been averaging 39 minutes a game over the last 15, even logging 54 minutes against Portland on Jan. 13. So relax, Jose, invite Garbo over for a cream soda and enjoy the game in your home.